As it's the end of another year, a very weird, bad year for me, I'm in a reconsiderin' kind of mode, here in blogland as well as elsewhere.
First, I've noticed something a little odd. Even though I've been posting some odds and sods of late, there's been no comments for quite a while. So I'm thinking of doing one of two things (this is the second time I've written this as my browser has taken to quitting on me - a sign perhaps - and I'm still tending this way).
Least drastic would be to turn off the comments box so I won't worry that no-one is reading (hey, I'm human). I know there's some traffic through Ruby Street. At least my site counter says that but I suspect it's nothing more than click throughs. I was getting some referrers feed as well but, after a frustrating morning trying to deal with the TrueFresco site, I think I'll be removing that code and not bothering. Possibly this blog isn't the kind people want to comment on anyway and, therefore, keeping it simple is best. This is why I have mostly resisted posting images and long posts.
The real bite-the-bullet option is to pull the whole thing. I have been thinking about why I do this blogging stuff recently. There had been various comment on the, mainly US blogs, about the reason why one blogs, as if there was just one. And in that, a bit of sneering if you weren't basically doing the argy bargy thing (I think it was couched in terms of 'debate' and 'community') with other bloggers. That's one mode, for sure. I don't mind argy bargy but I prefer email for that. But I realise that way will guarantee more traffic on blogs.
I am still happy with the kinds of mix this sort of blog generates. Some comments on poetics (a limited genre in Australia), some diaristic bits, scraps of news, and the odd poem, my own or a quote from another poet. I also have to tread a line between what I can and can't say. One day, I will have a lot more to say.
The other thing I am considering when thinking about nixxing Ruby Street, is something quite practical. Ever since I lost (misplaced?) my email inbox, I am more aware than usual of the great instability of so much of this media. The blog can operate as a kind of storage device as gallery, en plein air, perhaps. Or it's a bit like prayer, the thought, wish, goes out into the universe, into nothing and nothing comes back, but there, it's done and out in the open.
I've noted that my ihug web page seems to have disappeared and I will look into that as well. Also, that when I look at this blog from other sites, there's some strange unwanted pop-ups appearing. Like weird, man.
I feel part of a delicate process: if no-one's listening, then time to shut up, or no-one's paying attention so one must go on regardless. I did the first some year's ago and now I'm doing the second. Lack of regard is frustrating, certainly, but nothing new, at least down this corner of the world. There is a kind of freedom in it. And if one's kidding oneself then, fine too. No real harm done.
I may just turn off comments in a couple of days and/or I may reconfigure in the new year after a bit of a rest. I'll see where some time away leads. I have a few more days before I slope off for a while.