I
come along
smoke in tunnels

earth's
high altars
the crushed finials

slowly
my sad
my limited answer

invaded
caved human
trapped into night

causes
are obscured
sad eternal consequences

ticking
machine heat
time changes sky

culpable
persistent graceful
my sad answer

white
towers came
distance to ground

parts
of world
ached with energy

graceful
a voice
slow and sad

my
body labour
acts in changes

Comments

Jen said…
hey jill -

the shape of these new stanzas is very satisfying. I thought it felt kinda therapeutic/soothing at first - one, two, three. and again - but then there are moments when it seems to threaten, could explode into higher numbers - four - five even - at any moment!

well, I have made me a blogger home - not sure how long it will last but it's here: blueacres.blogspot.com

happy sunday -
Jen
09/07/2006, 10:27
Jill Jones said…
Hi Jen,

Welcome to blog world. I'll pop over and have a look. Useful litle things - blogs.

Those particular stanzas are a reworking of something quite old which never quite seemed to work, to my satisfaction. I thought the hay(na)ku form might do it. I was hoping for the kind of effect you describe, so maybe there's something going right there.

Cheers, Jill
09/07/2006, 12:16
Ernesto said…
Lovely poem. Soothing, indeed... but explosive also!
13/07/2006, 13:58
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